Choosing Forever: Book 2 in the Torn Duet Read online

  That was why Chloe wasn’t just my best friend, but she was also my soul friend, the person who I knew would be in my life until we were old and gray and in wheelchairs.

  I forced myself to stand, and I strolled into her bathroom. As I brushed my teeth, I stared at my sore red eyes in the mirror. I would be a perfect fit for a Visine commercial right about now.

  After pulling my hair into a bun, I staggered out into the living room and stopped mid step. Josh was standing there, holding a Coozie’s pizza box.

  I hadn’t seen him since I’d left, but he’d called me numerous times. As soon as his warm eyes met mine, I realized I’d missed him badly.

  “Hey.” I blinked back tears and waved a hand his way.

  His eyes drifted from me to Chloe before he dropped the pizza box on the coffee table.

  He didn’t know.

  Chloe hadn’t told him.

  He slowly walked toward me, looking me over to see if any part of me was hurt. Too bad I hurt from the inside out.

  “Everything okay?”

  The concern in his eyes nearly broke me, but I maintained my composure.

  “Yes.”

  Chloe huffed behind him. “It’s called Asshole Syndrome. Don’t catch it. The only cure is a good kick in the balls.”

  After seeing Hawke on TV, any compassion from Chloe for his state had flown out the window.

  Chloe blew me a kiss before slipping on her suit jacket. “Take care of my girl, okay?”

  Words were exchanged between Josh and Chloe, but I just plopped on the couch and stared blankly at the TV.

  I had known it wouldn’t work out with me and Hawke, so I didn’t understand why I was so disappointed. I blew out a breath.

  When the door shut, I felt the couch cushion dip beside me. I blew out small puffs of air to prevent myself from crying again. I didn’t want to fall apart in front of Josh. You’d think I was all cried out. I guessed not.

  But then I felt Josh’s warmth around me. He said nothing as his arms picked me up and set me on his lap. With his fingertips, he touched my cheek and then swiped the wetness from under my eyes.

  One touch.

  One breath.

  One look.

  That was all it took to make me collapse, holding my stomach to keep myself together.

  This is part of the process, I told myself. Time heals all. And all will eventually be forgotten.

  Gently, he pulled my arms apart and wrapped them around his waist, and I relented, falling into the comfort of his arms. He brushed a tender kiss across my forehead, and I buried my face in the corded muscles of his chest.

  “The worst thing in the world,” he began, “is hearing you cry.” He tucked me under his chin and brought me closer. “Because you don’t do it often. And here I thought, you had superhuman powers with the inability to shed a tear.”

  My hands gripped his sides as I sobbed softly. In his gentle embrace, all self-control flew out the window. I hadn’t realized how much I needed this physical contact.

  “Shh.” He squeezed me against him, and his breath hitched. “Tormented puppies, wailing babies…I think I could handle all of that. What I can’t handle is seeing you like this. Whatever it is, I’m sure it will be okay.”

  “We’re done,” I croaked out.

  I felt the expansion of his chest against my cheek. After a few minutes, I lifted my head and stared into his eyes. “Say it,” I whispered. “Tell me you told me so. Tell me you’re happy this happened. Say something.”

  Part of me expected him to be happy even if silently, but as his eyebrows knit together, only concern clouded his vision.

  With his fingertips, he tipped up my chin. “As selfish as this might sound, I wanted this to happen. Because I knew he never deserved you.” He ran his thumb under one of my tear-filled eyes. “But, after seeing you like this…I can’t want anything that’s hurt you this much.”

  I swiped my eyes against the sleeve of my shirt.

  “Stop crying, Princess.” He smirked. “I need that sarcastic, fun-loving girl back, and I’ll bring her back however I can.” He narrowed his eyes, contemplating. “What do you want me to do? Call him? Tell him he’s made a big mistake? Because I guarantee you, he already knows that.”

  Alan’s words rang loudly in my ears. The lies. Nothing but lies.

  “No, I don’t want that. It’s just…” My gaze dropped to my lap. “I don’t know what I was expecting, and maybe that’s where my downfall was…I expected more.” With my sleeve, I swiped under my nose. “He was the one who wanted to do this…be in a relationship. But you can’t base a relationship on lies.”

  He sucked in his bottom lip, his eyes telling me they wanted more intel, but I was out of energy. I wanted to tell him everything. About Hawke, about the drugs, about him lying motionless, as if he were dead. But not now. I couldn’t relive what had happened.

  I averted my gaze as fresh tears formed. “I’ll be okay. I’ll make myself okay.”

  “Of course you’ll be okay. Pfft. Remember?” A small smile touched his lips. “You’ve got superhuman powers. And I also have a theory,” Josh said. “I don’t think you’re even crying about this breakup.”

  I wrinkled my nose. “Oh, yeah?”

  “Yeah.” He angled closer, our noses almost touching. “The real reason you’re crying is because it’s that time of the month, and you ladies get really emotional during this time.” His face was devoid of any emotion, his eyes serious.

  When I pinched his side, he flinched and held his arm, feigning pain. “See? Superhuman powers.”

  “You’re so failing at trying to make this better,” I said with a watery laugh.

  “Why are you smiling then?” He grinned.

  “I’m not.” I tried to stop the smile that curved my mouth, but with Josh, it was hard to do that.

  “It’s an almost smile. I’ll take it.” After I scooted off his lap, he stood and extended a hand. “Let’s go. I also know, during that time of the month, you gals get really, really hungry. We need to bust open that Coozie’s box.”

  I stared at his outstretched hand, wondering how I’d get through the next few days.

  “I’m serious,” he insisted. “I grew up with two women in my household, and during those times, my father and I would stay away.”

  When I didn’t move, he bent down and said, “Exhale, Sam. One breath at a time.”

  I stared up into his chocolate-brown eyes and released one big breath.

  Exhale.

  After a beat, I stood and placed my hand in his. That familiar warmth, the one that only Josh could give me, spread up my arm. “Are you the master of all women now?”

  One side of his mouth ticked up. “Pretty much. I plan to write a book. Kind of like Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, but from my perspective.”

  One breath.

  Air filled my lungs, and I straightened, digging up the deep-rooted strength I had within me.

  “I want to read this book.”

  Another breath.

  He took my arm and linked it through his. “Best seller, I’m telling ya.” He winked, picked up the pizza box from the coffee table and led us into the kitchen.

  As I followed him, a tiny flicker of hope bloomed in my chest, for a life where Hawke was well and where I’d be okay, too.

  Chapter 3

  I pushed the cart through the grocery store, staring blankly at the rows and rows of cereal. Cheerios, Cap’n Crunch, Lucky Charms. I’d been wandering aimlessly for a while. For some reason, I’d forgotten what I had to pick up.

  Room service in Paris.

  There were times when I thought I was okay and times when everything that had happened between Hawke and me would run through my head, playing back like a movie.

  It had been a few weeks, but if he had tried to call me, I didn’t know. One night, when I’d turned weak, I’d tried to search Chloe’s room for my phone. I’d found it, but she had taken the battery out. And maybe, if she hadn’t done
that, I would’ve checked for messages. I avoided any news or media outlet where I might catch a glimpse of him. The radio, the Internet, and definitely the TV.

  The days when I worked would go faster than when I was alone at home. But, when I was at home, I would bake like I was going to starve tomorrow. Because that was what I did when I was upset. I would bake for an army of men and eat it by my lonesome.

  The only light in my long days was Josh. He’d help me bake. We’d watch movies, like we always did, and when he was in school or working, it was like he was still with me because he’d leave me random notes in the weirdest places.

  In my fridge: WTF (Where’s the food?)

  In my jar of sugar: Good things come to those who bake.

  In my coat pocket: Where there is a whisk, there is a way!

  In my underwear drawer: It doesn’t matter if you win or lose; it’s how you bake the cake.

  It was as if Josh had this power to determine the exact time I would be thinking of Hawke because I’d find these notes strategically placed in spots when I was in my lowest moments. The notes would make me smile and lift my mood, and I hoped for more.

  As I stared at a box of Quaker Oatmeal Squares, my phone rang in my back pocket, and I picked it up.

  “Princess, where are you?”

  Automatically, the corners of my mouth lifted, and the Hawke fog dimmed around me. “At the grocery store, getting food for movie night. I think I’ve officially gained ten pounds from everything we’ve baked.”

  He laughed. “So, do we still have the five dozen cookies from yesterday?”

  “Josh, really, do you think I could have eaten all of that by myself?” I reached for the shelf and decided on a box of Lucky Charms. “Okay, fine. There are probably four dozen cookies left.”

  “Do you want to do something different today?”

  I glanced down at my sweats and T-shirt—my grumpy post-breakup wear. Not really. “Sure!” I said with forced gusto.

  “Get ready, and pack the cookies. I’ll pick you up at your place.”

  And that was exactly what I did.

  I rushed home and changed into a bright yellow silk shirt, dark-washed skinny jeans, and my thick peacoat. Then, I slipped into my favorite Converse, packed the cookies in Tupperware, and waited for Josh on the couch while reality TV played in the background.

  After he rang my doorbell, I rushed outside to meet him. I didn’t ask where we were going as we hopped in the back of a cab. I didn’t ask what we were doing with four-dozen cookies. I didn’t care where we went as long as it was anywhere but home, as long as it was somewhere I could keep my mind busy, and I knew Josh could do that.

  When the cab stopped in front of a brown building, I pushed my face against the window, taking in my surroundings. In copper letters on a silver plaque against the brown brick read, Department of Child and Family Services.

  “Where are we?” I asked, looking up at Josh.

  “It’s where I volunteer sometimes and where I want to end up working eventually once I’m finished with law school.” His eyes lit with an inner glow, and a slight smile touched his face as he stared at the building in front of us.

  I knew Josh worked for a hotshot adoption lawyer in the heart of downtown Chicago. The guy’s office was on the fifty-sixth floor of a modern skyscraper. I’d assumed that was where Josh wanted to end up, but by the way his eyes brightened, I realized I was wrong.

  “You want to work here?” I asked.

  “Yeah, once I’m done.”

  As we walked into the building that seemed to be over one hundred years old, I heard laughter, followed by an array of little kids running about in the foyer. They were a hodgepodge of different ethnicities and ages.

  I was going to ask Josh what was going on when a little girl, no more than four, flew into his arms.

  “Joshy!”

  Joshy?

  Her dark brown ringlets danced as she looked at Josh through her light-hazel eyes, as though he were Santa Claus bringing her presents. “Where did you go, Joshy? I thought you left me, too.”

  His eyes broke a little, and so did my heart. “I’m sorry, Ana. I’ve been busy, but you know I’d never leave you.”

  “Better not. You my boyfend. You said so,” she said with such sass that I laughed.

  He laughed, too. “Only you, Anabelle. Only you.”

  My insides melted into a puddle of goo. Swoon. Ovary explosion.

  He tipped his head in my direction and held Anabelle against his hip. “I brought a friend, and she brought cookies.”

  Miss Anabelle was not happy to see me. Her arms crossed over her chest, and she was sporting a very nasty stink eye. I smiled up at her, knowing full well she had every right to be mad at me since I was the reason Joshy had been so busy.

  I opened the Tupperware, smiling bigger to win over this cute but tough child. “They’re chocolate chip, and Joshy, your boyfriend, made them just for you.”

  We’d baked them together, but she didn’t need to know that.

  Josh gently placed her on the ground. Ana seemed a little hesitant at first as she approached me, but when I angled the Tupperware in her direction, she dipped her cute, skinny fingers inside and reached for a cookie.

  “Thank you,” she said with a begrudging frown. It was as if it had taken all her energy to utter those two words.

  “Josh!”

  I peered up to see a tall woman in a cream dress suit rushing toward us. Her dark bob swished against her cheeks. “Oh my goodness, we’ve missed you.” She pulled him in for a half-hug. “I’m so glad you came. You just missed the mayor.”

  A clown with balloons passed in front of us, followed by another clown with two puppies dressed in frill.

  Ana’s eyes brightened. “Joshy, Clappy the Clown is here! See ya later.” She waved her cookie in the air and bounced along with the other children heading toward Clappy.

  “Oh, that Ana,” the woman said, releasing Josh. The cream-colored suit brought out her olive-toned skin. The woman seemed to be in her early fifties with a dust of white highlighting her dark hair. “And Jessica, Jennifer, and Clara. They’ve all been asking about their”—she put her fingers in air quotes—“‘boyfriend.’”

  Her smile exuded warmth, and I immediately liked her.

  “I’m Shannon Barnes, Director here at Chicago’s DCFS. You must be Josh’s girlfriend.”

  I shook her hand. “No, just a friend. I’m Samantha, but you can call me Sam.”

  “Well, Sam, just so you know, Josh is a player of sorts around here.” Her smile widened, and she threw him a cursory glance. “Lots of girlfriends and all,” she joked.

  Josh gave a sheepish smile. “I’m sorry I haven’t been around lately.”

  Shannon held up a hand. “No excuses necessary. I know you’re busy. The kids just miss you; that’s all. They miss your jokes and your coloring abilities.” She tipped her head to the side.

  I raised my eyebrows. “Coloring abilities? Josh, you’ve been holding out on me.”

  Josh’s cheeks reddened, but in the next second, he threw up his hands and spread his fingers, wiggling them in my direction. “These hands can’t bake, but boy, can they color. I’ve got mad artistic skills.”

  I barked out a laugh.

  Shannon gestured behind him. “Let’s take Sam on a tour. We have an indoor bouncy house today and face-painting. The kids are having a blast.”

  Her eyes lit up with excitement, and a big part of me believed she wanted to hop in the bouncy house herself.

  I walked beside Josh, distributing cookies to his little friends. He had quite a few. And Shannon was not joking; the little girls loved him.

  “So, once a quarter, we hold these events for the children,” Shannon said, rubbing a little boy’s head as he passed by. “A lot of them are still in foster care, looking for a permanent home.”

  I nodded, fascinated by everything in my vicinity. It was like Disney World. Cinderella skipped past me, holding hands with two g
irls who looked up at her with their childlike wonder. In the other corner of the room, Captain America, cape and all, was showing the boys some card tricks.

  I trailed behind Shannon as she entered another area that was occupied by little girls in their fluffy princess dresses. Princess Elsa sat in the middle of the room, reading a book to the children all seated around her.

  “The mayor comes in, and all these people here volunteer their services to show the children a good time. A lot of these children are in protective custody and have dealt with distress in their former home environment. We get children straight from the hospital sometimes.” A frown formed heavy on her face, her stare becoming distant. “Some were plucked from their homes because of their living conditions. Roach-infested homes. Abuse. Sex offenders. These parents believe they still have a right to these innocent children just because they birthed them into the world.”

  She turned toward Josh and put a hand on his arm. “That’s why your job is so important.” She smiled up at him. “Fighting for their rights in that courtroom is no easy task. Protect the innocent, Joshy.”

  Josh placed his hand over Shannon’s, his eyes firm. “I will. I need to graduate first and earn my cape. Then, it’s Super Joshy to the rescue.”

  She laughed and proceeded farther down the hall to continue our tour. After a minute, we plopped down around a set of small tables. My butt barely fit in the chair, but I made it work.

  “Josh!”

  Two boys went to do a signature handshake, fist over fist and ending in a thumbs-up. They looked like they were around middle school age. One boy had a gap between his teeth, and the other boy’s skin was badly scarred. One side of his face was wrinkled together, as though he was a burn victim.

  My stomach clenched, and I tried to look into his eyes, not at his face.

  “Is this your girlfriend, Josh?” Tilting his head, he took me in, and then he grinned. “I approve, bro. No wonder you haven’t been around.”

  My smile widened at the bold, suave young man in front of me.

  Josh laughed. “Chill, Rocky. She’s just a friend.” He pointed to the kid who exuded self-confidence. “And, good thing for you, she’s single.”